***
It was the day of our flight back to riyadh.
We had to checkout of the hotel at 9 pm, so instead of sitting in the room doing nothing I decided to go eat something or shop for a couple of hours.
I went to the bathroom and took a warm shower.
I applied a little makeup to my pale face.
Ghada was still sleeping.
Whatsapp. Mama.
Haya: ماما بروح أجيب لي كم شغله
Mama:! يا ويلك تطلعين
Haya: مرتبه كل شي من أمس والله مارح اتأخر ساعه وحده بس
Mama: ساعه وحده لا اكثر ولا اقل
Haya: ان شاء الله على امرررك شكراً
***
"One club sandwich without tomato please"
"With french fries or green salad?And what would you like to drink?" The Filipino waiter asked.
"With French fries and umm.. I would like to drink fresh orange juice"
I was sitting alone at Angelina's caffe.
Staring at the people that passed by.
I realized how much I miss the old days.
I had a flashback back when I was 17.
January 6 2010.
Paris, the city of light.. Love*
I was roaming around the chanselise with one of my best friends. Maha.
There weren't allot of Saudis back in the day.
We were talking about something.. I don't exactly remember what.
We suddenly saw a friend of ours with a cute guy.
"Oh my god! Kaifkm? I miss you guys so much!!"
"Ahln! Wallah kwysen enti kaifk?" Maha said hugging her.
The guy gave Maha a very weird look.
"Oh wait nsait a3rfkm! Hatha a5uy Waleed" she said introducing us to this 'waleed' guy.
"Oh a3rfa! We're really close cousins" Maha whispered.
"Esh ma sm3t?" Anoud laughed.
"La abd bs knt afkr blshbh eli baink w bain um.. a5ouk" Maha laughed. "y5lg mn elshabah arb3een" Maha said.
"Ee elnas y7asbona twins"
"Ee mara mashallah ns5a" I smiled.
"Yala bye Aziz oh g9di waleed" Maha waved.
"Mam here's your order"
Wait! I don't remember hearing this voice in my flashback.
"Mam!" The waiter got me back to reality.
"Ohh! thank you!" I smiled.
I ate my yummy sandwich and the most delicious french fries you'll ever taste in your whole life! They're a must try!
***
I was walking peacefully.
whatsapp.
A: هيا انا عبدالله
Wow.
I didn't know whether to answer or not.
My hands were shaking.
A: Shoufi wrak.
I was afraid to look back and find him. Cause I knew that I'd remember every fucking memory I shared with him. I knew that it would take me days to get a little better.
And i, wasn't ready.
He sat in front of me.
"Haya.."
I smiled.
I know I shouldn't have.. But I did.
"Haya 8asam bellah enk a'3la ma 3ndi bhl kon wallah mabi shy mn eldnia '3air enk tkunen li!" He said.
It was too hard for me to handle.
What am I supposed to do?
I'm screaming inside.
It's too hard to love someone that isn't and never will be yours.
Too fucking hard.
There were no more tears to cry.
I'm sick of this.
He comes back and ruins everything.
Why did you say those words?
You know that I'm too weak when it comes to you.
I'm too weak to get over you.
I'm too weak to leave you.. Even tho you were never mine.
But your heart belongs to me, and I know that very well.
"Haya" he said.
"Wsh tb'3ani asawi??? Y5i 7ram 3laik wallah btthba7ni!! Ma 3ad at7ml akthar mn ketha! Allah yb3dk 3ni w yfkni mnk! Abdullah allah y5lek b3d lw sm7t walah t3bt" I cried.
He hugged me.
I, for the first time felt safe.
I forgot everything the moment he rapped his hands around me.
"I can't do this to noura!" I cried.
"Shh" he patted my back.
"Ana w noura bnt6lg!" He said.
"Esh????" I moved back.
I can't handle being the girl that someone would leave their gorgeous, loving, sweet wife for.
When did I turn into a selfish person?
I could never do this to anybody.
Not even my enemy.
" No no no nooo! Abdullah! T3t8d eni f yom mn elayam mumkn akun elbnt el8athra elnajsa eli moumkn tswi shy zy ketha? Lathi eldraja ma tshoufni shy b3aink?" I laughed sarcastically.
"La wallah enk 3la 3aini w rasi w wallah lw la eni abek w sharek kan ma swait eli bsweh!"
"Mousta7el ar6'a fek!" I said.
"Lesh???"
"L2nk mu Abdullah eli 7baita! El6yb eli ma y7b yshouf a7d z3lan!!" I walked away.
I still and will always have a part of him inside me.
انا أبغاك وأحبك وأبيك وانت الوحيد اللي سكن في عيوني. يا عبدالله.
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